1. |
Best Friend Voice
04:14
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Know you’re being honest don’t absolve you of your sins Confession is half of the battle I know you’ve been trying for so long to be the best you can be I know that you’re hurt You didn’t deserve a thing Don’t let me catch you hurting yourself You’re bigger than your pain And when you’re admitted I’ll bring you clothes and drop off some smokes I know everyone has given up on you They just don’t want to see you die It’s been five years since I really fucked up Hell will be hot but it’s getting better And they told me before I play for keeps People die and milk goes sour And they said I know that you’re hurt You didn’t deserve a thing Don’t let me catch you hurting yourself You’re bigger than your pain And when you’re admitted I’ll bring you clothes and drop off some smokes I know everyone has given up on you They just don’t want to see you die
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2. |
Necktie Noose
02:15
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Tie that noose around your neck It goes quite well with that suit you’ve got on That fucking suit that you’ve got on And fill up your tank all the way You’ve got the money so you can pay You make money every day And every day he’ll think he’ll hang himself today And outside it should still be dark Not in the city, no it’s still bright This place pollutes the sky with light Your prison looks you in the eye And as you approach it, you will lie And tell yourself that you don’t wanna die And every day he’ll think he’ll hang himself today And what to say He left a note with what he’d say It read: How are you and I’m so sorry I couldn’t take it but here’s my story I just couldn’t grip reality And every day he’ll think he’ll hang himself today Every day he’ll think he’ll hang himself today
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3. |
Graves Disease
03:32
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Didn’t ask to feel this way No, I didn’t want to stay in my bed I’m not lazy I’m just fucking sick And the blood tests won’t take care of me and you know I’ve tried that therapy I’m not complaining I’m just letting you know It’s like carrying the coffin to your own bloody wake But my aching joints and rapid heart were no one’s mistake And even the most broken can find a way to heal With a new vision of hope and a new way to feel I spent these years carrying my own weight May need a lot of breaks but I walk at my own pace I’ll take every pill I will take every shot If it means just getting rid of what I got I’ll live And I’m speaking to the world in a prayer and I’ll tell them just what I think I’ll catch up soon I just need a break And it’s not up to you to tell me how I fucking feel You weren’t dealt my hand and they weren’t your cards to deal It’s like carrying the coffin to your own bloody wake But my aching joints and rapid heart were no one’s mistake And even the most broken can find a way to heal With a new vision of hope and a new way to feel I spent these years carrying my own weight May need a lot of breaks but I walk at my own pace I’ll take every pill I will take every shot If it means just getting rid of what I got I’ll live
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4. |
Flicker
03:13
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I’ve been trying to be more honest But I think that it scares me Writing down all my fears I hate being swelled with tears Don’t think I’ll amount to nothing Unless that something’s sleep ‘Cuz I don’t have motivation And I’d much rather weep My eyes flicker when I see you I write with the pen you gave me on Christmas you’re so damn sweet I love finding indications that you’ve been inside my room You come over twice a week and oh how you make me happy I will try to smile big so I won’t bring you down My eyes flicker when I see you
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5. |
Section 12
03:10
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I am starving for some kind of change I want to die but I’m hopeful know it sounds kind of strange But when I come home from work just know I will smile And here’s to all the times where I can’t get out of bed And here’s to all the times I want to put a bullet in my head but you know I am stronger than I think Yeah you know I am stronger than I think And I have seen people younger than me pick the skin right off their face Parents beat their kids while they’re still losing teeth I want to love them but it’s not my place But when I come home from work just know I will smile So here’s to all the times where I saw the violence but I couldn’t make it stop And here’s to all the times where I stayed silent What good is social justice if our social workers are apathetic It’s confidential Can’t talk about it They’d be better off if you didn’t exist Forgotten battered wives and their starving kids Just because you’re bleeding doesn’t mean your weak And here’s to all the times where we help somebody in need Even if we felt like we could do nothing And here’s to all the people that were there for me You probably don’t remember but the little things changed my life Yeah the little things changed my life
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6. |
Day Dreams
00:58
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I have day dreams where I wish that all my thoughts they would come true Where you didn’t die so young and we got to play another bluegrass tune Where she didn’t get treated like shit from a boy who thought he was a man but was a fool I wish I could change it for the best Day dreams would you lift me off my feet
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7. |
Untitled
03:01
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I was drunk when I called you I was freezing at one am This year you were supposed to live with me I was trying not to hurt myself so I picked up my phone Was I crying probably We would say that we would have a place together after school But five years ahead I’m still here all alone You are probably still living in Maine yeah you and your degree But last time we talked you were in Ohio We probably still act the same I said We probably still feel the same I really want to drive to you but I have this awful job that takes my nights away from me Though I love most of the people here I know that you would too Makes it hard to set myself free And my wrist is degrading yeah it hurts most of these days But I don’t seem to care that much I know Maybe if I moved out to you I’d work at a better place But my heart it tell me no We probably still act the same I said we probably still feel the same We still probably feel the same
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8. |
Salem
03:32
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It's like going to the moon Like leaving this fucking room Finally seeing someone Seeing someone It ain’t that fucking rude I write my best songs when I’m in love And you know my last record sucked You were getting fucked up in a warehouse in Allston And It’s hard to see where I went wrong It’s like everything just fell right out of place And I’ve been thinking ‘bout your notebook Pretty words written in pain Oh I know that I’ll never read a page I drew hearts on the mirror while you were in the shower You were telling me about your dead friend The steam made me sweat but I wouldn’t take off my hoodie Who the fuck knew I wouldn’t see you again It’s hard to see where I went wrong It’s like everything just fell right out of place I’ve been thinking ‘bout your notebook Pretty words written in pain Oh I know that I’ll never read a page I’ve been thinking about your notebook All them sketches and those words I’ve been thinking about your notebook How I’ll never read a page
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9. |
Yesterday
02:14
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Yesterday was your birthday Sad feeling’s creeping up and causing me to sway The only thing I wish for is that I could hear you speak to mend my pulsing sore Happy birthday Uncle Bob You’re still with us in our hearts and in some of my songs Happy birthday Uncle Bob Yesterday was your birthday my father misses you He wished you could’ve stayed He lived with you for years right on Kilby Street We wished you could’ve stayed Happy birthday Uncle Bob You’re still with us in our hearts and in some of my songs While writing I just sob In times when I am torn your recollection keeps me warm
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10. |
Guilt & Shame
03:14
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The painting on the wall reminds me of a time A time where I still felt alive I’ve been crawling through this hole accompanied with a loss of control Fear takes the shape of the ones that I love It’s their faces I’m seeing inside Oh guilt & shame show me the way that I can get to sleep Oh guilt & shame show me the way Subside the suffering I will be free Crushing mother’s pills on the mirror Lord knows she won’t miss a thing Made a deal with the devil I didn’t read the fine print There’s no shame in wasting away Pain comes from knowing someone will miss you Oh guilt & shame show me the way that I can get to sleep Oh guilt & shame show me the way Subside the suffering I will be free
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11. |
Ruminations
03:54
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When I awoke I was shaking so I skipped my classes I could not fall asleep As I laid in my bed my mind fired off ruminations that I cannot control Now I feel like such shit so I sleep all day as to punish my own fucking self Maybe tonight I’ll drug myself so I can accomplish a basic function I get nervous so I stay up late and try to fill these holes with something to distract myself so I don’t go crazy Like watching videos in my bed or even writing whiney songs to calm myself At least these songs they keep my calm Yeah my brain thinks for way too long Stuck on a notion I did wrong It’s got me wishing I was gone Always feel like I will cry or panic ‘cuz I think I’ll die I don’t ever think that I’ll succeed ‘cuz I’m deep in debt and misery I’ll keep writing songs that put me down At least these songs they keep me calm Yeah my brain thinks for way too long Stuck on a notion I did wrong It’s got me wishing I was gone
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12. |
Fairy Dust
02:57
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I have so many thoughts I can’t complete them anymore without wondering if you will think I’m stupid That’s one of my worst fears is dying before I make the suffering worth it It’s dying before I get to say goodbye And if I don’t make it back just know that I tried I once had a friend that lost all hope He was knocking on death’s door clutching a bag of dope Last time I saw him was the first time I saw him cry in the passenger seat hoping God would just let him die Yeah he got what he wanted crushed friends and a broken home Yeah he got what he wanted His love was better off alone Crushed friends and a broken home There’s nowhere I’d rather be than in the past with my cousins two thousand and three A child at Grandma’s wishing Mom would just take us home She didn’t recognize Dad Her cancer rotted to her bone We were children once with a pocket full of stars and fairy dust Before the trauma Before the violence The sexual assault and the forceful silence We’ve got a chance to make it better Russ shot the fentanyl on purpose He didn’t even leave a letter I won’t tell you friend to forget all of your pain But I’m suffering too hope you know I feel the same
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